Hello Purgatory

Dear St. Peter,

Let me first inform you that I am ecstatic to learn about the existence of Purgatory. It is also wonderful to hear that you still maintain democracy in the Afterlife. A wonderful testament to how this form of government works! Say, "Hi" to God for me by the way.

Anyways, about your request: I am afraid there is no way in Hell (oh, wait, in Purgatory) that the United States Federal Government can secure the funds you are asking for. Unfortunately, like you, we are in a recession and have already given out too many stimulus bills. This would crush the government, the taxpayers, and decrease my administration's approval rating.

I have a suggestion, however. Why don't you have a form of currency in Purgatory, and then tax your own citizens to come up with the money you want from us? Become self-reliant on your own taxpayers instead of ours. As they say, "Give a government official a taxpayer, and he gets tax money for a day. Teach a man to make taxpayers, and he gets tax money for a lifetime." I am sorry that we are not able to meet your request, Saint Peter. Please stay in touch.

Sincerely,



Barack Obama
President of the United States of America.